Chrono Chaos

Chrono Chaos Mission Statement

1. We are an elite guild of time traveling agents, sent back from the year 2008 to get in the guild beta and possibly go on an awkward date with our parents.
2. We exist to secure a spot in the guild beta, above and beyond all the “common” guilds who were too unimaginative to wait until the last moment — and beyond — and then invent nifty-cool technology to rectify procrastination.
3. If necessary, we will go back even further in time to get “the dirt” on WAR devs — such as how Jeff Hickman used to eBay Underoos before getting a job at Mythic — to use as blackmail.
4. Time travel will not be used for trivial matters; for example, there will be no killing of Hitler or rescuing dinosaurs for your wondrous theme park starring Jeff Goldblum.
5. Snacks and pop will be provided for guild members only.
6. We refuse to be classified as “Order” or “Destruction” — instead, we will join the fabled third WAR faction, “Super Badass”.
7. The seventh rule of Chrono Chaos: do not talk about Chrono Chaos, unless you’re trying to impress a potential date. Then, fling your membership around like a cat at a pro-dog rally.

Chrono Chaos Guild Roster [Est. 2008 A.D. – “Anywhere, Anywhen”]:

[Retconned:]

• Brotik: Founding Father (20 elf ears)

[Original:]

• Syp: Fearful Leader
• Darkgobbo: Orc Translator
• BMR: Lazy Cousin of BMX
• Matt: Time Machine Hog
• CunningB: Lunch Herder (20 elf ears)
• DexterDouglas: Party On, Dudes!
• Moxie: Yes, Ma’am (20 elf ears)
• The Hammered: Making Awkward Comments Since 2008
• Vagrant: Touched In The Head (20 elf ears)
• Werit: Time Dwarf
• Khaos: Momma-In-Law’s Boy
• Lske: Guild Plumber
• roXet: eXtreme eXcitement
• Mekoia: Pimple Patrol
• Qatol: Impossible To Spell In Scrabble
• Din A3: AAA Quality
• Regis: And Kelly Ripa
• Johnny Walker Black: Uwe Boll’s Batboy (40 elf ears)
• Medrin: Captain Fun-un-un (20 elf ears)
• Scarybooster: Selfesteembooster
• Kattz: Dr. Kattz
• Paul: Oriel Oreos
• Ramathorne: Day Dreamer (30 elf ears – 10 extra for the comic!)
• Vort: He’s Got The Black Lung, Pop (20 elf ears)
• James Taylor: First Names For Last Names
• Dr. Worm: Not A Doctor, But A Worm
• Crimetank: Treads Lightly (20 elf ears)
• Smashydoom: Preemptive Strike
• Across: Down
• Slymie: Cutest Gross Name Ever
• Arbitrary: Book ‘Em, Danno
• Artean: Tonight We’re Sending You Back To The Future (20 elf ears)
• Alex: Duct Tape Master (20 elf ears)
• Sorain: Afraid of Only Kittens
• Curien: He’s Got Our Back
• Ran: He Also Walks (20 elf ears)
• Tigaj: Jagit Backwards
• DMNYO: Dynamo!
• Betadan: Still In Closed Betadan
• Stigus: Double Agent
• Wingo: Bus Driver
• JayDizzle: Fo Sho (20 elf ears)
• Clash: Fashion Police
• Trooper: He’s Super
• Rombur: Death-Dealing Robot From 1815
• Alanti – The Lost City of Alanti
• Fizzleton – The heart of carbination
• Keen – Lionheart Bear
• The Hammered – Designated Driver
• Whazz’Dis – Elf in Disguise
• Grobbick – The Chronicles of Grobbick
• Hellios – Sun God, Night Clerk
• Leakey – Fun On Boats
• Mike – That’s Doctor Mike To You
• Mr. Random – Cake Popsicle Sandbox!
• Sithlet – Dark Lord of the Sithlets
• Carrie Gouskos – The Goose
• Brainclutter – 575 I.Q.
• Dwel – Don’t Think On It Too Long
• RatFink – Trusted Confidant

To apply to the pretend time traveling guild known as Chrono Chaos, just post a comment to this article saying something like “I’m in!” or “Word up, g-dawg!”. We’ll know what you mean.