The Great Alan Cartwright Conspiracy

October 6, 2008

If you’re leveling in the Dwarf zones, chances are you’ve bumped into a Mr. Alan Cartwright on more than one occasion. He’s a traveling NPC that offers a pretty crappy quest — find me some fungus, I give you petty XP — that players may choose to repeat. His notoriety doesn’t come from what he offers, but instead from where he is: that little bugger is EVERYWHERE.

Marshes of Madness? He’s there. Mt. Bloodhorn? There. You’re in the middle of a thick and heavy PQ in the desolate Badlands… oh, hey, it’s Alan Cartwright, ambling along like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s like the mascot of the Dwarf zones, the Mr. Rogers who comes to check up on you once in a while to see how things are going. Well, that and to offer you a crappy quest.

Something I noticed today as I took screenshots not 10 minutes apart was that Alan Cartwright appears to age depending on the zone you’re in:

The left is Alan in Ekrund, the first Dwarf T1 zone. The right is Alan in Marshes of Madness, skirting the upper edge of T2. He’s at least gained 30 years, yet still carries the same dime-store dagger and wearing the same Salvation Army skirt.

So is Alan on a quest parallel to our own, aging as he crawls through the landscape looking for a few good adventurers to find him some fungus before he turns into a traveling skeleton? What is his deal? Why is he stalking me? WHY?!?!?!?!?

P.S. I read a comment here that if you do his quest 50 times, he gives you a pretty nice item.



  1. On destro side it’s a goblin named nobwart I believe. HE’s fricking everywhere.

  2. Somehow I dont believe you. Yet I think I am gullible enough to try it 50 times. If he doesn’t drop some purple phat lootz in my bag after the 50th quests turn in I am COMING FOR YOU!

  3. There’s one in every pairing.

    They give re-useable cultivation seeds from what I’ve seen. I’ll have to check out the 50 times thing.

  4. And if you do the quest 100 times you unlock the cow level.

  5. “And if you do the quest 100 times you unlock the cow level.”

    … I believe you need Wert’s leg for that trick …

  6. My husband and I started again as dwarfs this week and we were just talking about Alan Cartwright last night. He really does get around doesn’t he? We suspect some kind of teleportation device which would explain the aging problem. Everybody who’s ever watched Star Trek knows that any kind of transporter/teleporter device breaks down every few episodes 🙂

  7. Anyone want to try this out?

  8. He’s a secret agent. You see he changes his appearance to deceive every. His mission is noble, his means are subtle, and the death of fungi follows in his wake.

  9. Ya, I see the Goblin version and now I just ignore him. I don’t want to get you your stupid item you stupid damn goblin. Go away! Stop following me!

    Although I’m sure one day once more info is out I’ll cave in and do his quest repeatedly. I have that type of mental disorder.

  10. The seed reward that he gives is actually really useful for leveling cultivation because when you harvest plots planted with it, you almost always get another seed back.

  11. Aye, this is the mighty tier seed giver quest person. Scientifically speaking, of course. I prefer the High Elf version though (for tier 1 at least), she makes you kill harpies, which are all over the place and if all you want to do is quest, you’ll more than likely get the item along the way.

    Nine minute default growing time, chop that down to 6 minutes if you add dirt, etc. and it nets you a guaranteed seed and a plant. Unless you critically fail, which is rare. I’ve done each of these quests at least six times as I like to have one for each plot, and if any of those fail I still got some for backup. I’ve gotten critical successes…but nothing changes as all crits do is give you a seed and a plant anyway. But if you get a special moment you *do* get bonus items…when you are lucky enough to get those, that is.

  12. I really want to start a band called The Alan Cartwright Conspiracy. It would be nerdrock focusing primarily on WAR.


  13. We were musing about whether we could kill him last night ;p

  14. @Johnny walker Black: I’d listen to it.

  15. “Have you ever had a dream, Syp, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?” 😉

  16. WTB repeatable quests that award junk that can be salvaged into fragments and essences!

    Where’s our crafting equal rights dammit?

  17. There is no way I’m doing this quest 50 times…

    I will however take you up on that Altdorf Elevator Pass for 2 gold.

  18. While in Marshes of Madness I was doing a chapter 8 public quest and saw him sprinting from the chapter 8 area to, i am assuming, the chapter 9 area. He was running ridiculously fast!

  19. I hear that he secretly wants to father everyone’s children.. man and woman.

    @Winged Nazgul Yeah.. it’s a little tough for us salvager/talisman makers. Anyone know an easier way to level those two skills?

  20. Ostelle Blackwood is the high elf version.


  21. Been looking for this ugly mug for a couple days now. I got the quest A Matter of Scale and completed it. Now I can’t find him anywhere. I need those seeds…

  22. damn he’s hard to find when u need him

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