Corpse Run

September 21, 2008

Is it just me, or did Mythic’s quest development team place a bet on how many quests they could stuff in this game that required you (a) running off into the wilds to find someone on behalf of someone else, but when you get there, (b) they’re worm food?

It gets almost depressing whenever one of these quests gets handed to me:

Sir?  Oh sir?  Could you help a wee lass like myself?  My pappa went to go collect firewood so that we could heat our three-sided hut to ward off another night of killing cold — lil baby Jim lost two toes last night, he did, and my pappa said “Never again!”  So he took his axe and stomped off into the deepest darkest thickets of Dismember Woods, where sometimes on a clear moonless night, you can hear the forest burping and the tinkle of dry bones spat upon the rocks outside of it.

Please, go find my pappa, so we might be able to feel our extremities again.  Rush!

Quest objective: Find Pappa Johnson.  Reward: 30 pieces of silver (aka blood money).

And with a knowing sigh, I click the “accept” button and plod into Dismember Woods, following the easy-to-spot trail of blood and intestines that leads me to <Pappa Johnson’s Corpse> about ten feet in.  Poor guy, never had a chance.

Listen, Mythic, if you’re going to keep making me do these depressing runs, you gotta give me a new title, like Mortician or Body Bag Collector.



  1. OMG….. Greatest post ever….

  2. When I did that quest he was stuck in a bramble patch. Dismembered, you say. Wolves, was it…?

    That’s a rather nice ear necklace you have there, Syp. I’m just sayin’.

  3. You must be playing Order. 😉 On our side, it’s more like “Poppa ran away from feeding the daemon babies into the Dismember Woods. He is prolly dead, but make sure he is.”

  4. It’s plenty depressing on Destruction side too. The quest give get’s you all psyched up to go smite the weak and repugnent and when you get there some pithy villagers have already done the deed for you.

  5. Maybe you should grab the title Doom Bringer. 😉

    I haven’t found Pappa Johnson but if I do, I’ll be sure to see if he tastes like chicken.

  6. This gives me an idea: an RP guild inspired by Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

  7. I suppose from your angle they would be depressing quests…however, as a Dark Elf, I generally find only weak fools or members of the despised House Arkaneth, so I’ve never felt anything but pride or a giddiness at the opportunity the corpse represents.

  8. Duh duh!

  9. Yeah, dark elves get quests like ‘Go poison that guy, then plant evidence on his body.’

  10. Its the same for Dwarfs, though at the beginning it was go find the guards, and revive them with beer.

    Later on it becomes, ‘Hey we’re outnumbered and probably going to die. Can you make sure our stash of ale is okay?’

    Wonder if later on they’ll have quests that bring dead dwarves back from the dead with some epic beer keg. Hell even the collector’s edition heads have beer kegs on them.

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