For BloggersJune 30, 2008
Hey! Blog-buddies! Want to know how to create a successful, widely-read blog? Well, yeah, me too. Let me know if you find the secret!
But I think I’ve found a way. It’s dirty and a little underhanded, but I think it’ll work. Simply cast any logical, well-reasoned, balanced articles to the wayside. Instead, pepper your blog with highly inflammatory, short posts designed to rile up people to the point where they’ll link to you, if only to say “look at THIS nutcase!” A link is a link is a link, right?
After all, we’ve proven that people are naturally drawn to news stories on the “extreme” ends of the spectrum — hence, why news channels have gone completely bonkers (“this just in: soup will kill you if you slurp!”). Sane folk have no business reporting in a medium that gets its biggest audience when apocalyptic comments are spewed from the lips of a raving madman, who then brings in big sponsor dollars.
So why are blogs any different? Why should we pour hours of time writing out thoughtful essays on the minutia of MMO development and gameplay when a semi-literate whacko could triple our readership just by writing a poorly-worded 300 essay on the moral deficiencies of Rob Pardo and his risqué relationship with manatees? Or to pronounce vague speculation about Duke Nukem Online as straight-up fact?
After all, two of my most widely-read posts were stories I snapped off the cuff and ended up being circulated like nobody’s business, instead of just taken as they were designed to be — mild musings of a brain parasite-ridden Italian. What incentive do I have for doing anything else but these? And my brain parasite asks, could you ship him a pizza?
So, in that spirit, here are the topics for the next 10 posts at WAAAGH!:
- Paul Barnett is Beelzebub: The Second Cousin of Lies!
- Sixteen Japanese Schoolchildren Reenact Waaagh In Park, 100 Dead.
- Blizzard is Purchasing Mythic From EA, Plans To Cancel WAR And Feast On The Tears Of The Fans.
- Forget Chuck Norris, Josh Drescher’s Facial Hair Cures Cancer.
- WAR’s In Game Currency Will Be Shrunken Heads Of Your Opponent’s Kids.
- Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning Sues Age of Conan For Egregious Use Of The Phrase “Age Of”.
- EA Sends A Cease And Desist Letters To All WAR Bloggers Unless They End Every Post With A Plug For Madden Online.
- What’s The Deal With High Gas Prices Anyway? And Iraq? And Same-Sex Marriage? And Celebrity Babies? And ANWAR Drilling? And Obama? And WALL*E?
- Internet forum users have no life — proven!
- WAR will be, like, y’know, the best game EVAH!
Now, to sit right back and reap all the benefits of stupidity. Ahhhh.