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For Bloggers

June 30, 2008

Hey! Blog-buddies! Want to know how to create a successful, widely-read blog? Well, yeah, me too. Let me know if you find the secret!

But I think I’ve found a way. It’s dirty and a little underhanded, but I think it’ll work. Simply cast any logical, well-reasoned, balanced articles to the wayside. Instead, pepper your blog with highly inflammatory, short posts designed to rile up people to the point where they’ll link to you, if only to say “look at THIS nutcase!” A link is a link is a link, right?

After all, we’ve proven that people are naturally drawn to news stories on the “extreme” ends of the spectrum — hence, why news channels have gone completely bonkers (“this just in: soup will kill you if you slurp!”). Sane folk have no business reporting in a medium that gets its biggest audience when apocalyptic comments are spewed from the lips of a raving madman, who then brings in big sponsor dollars.

So why are blogs any different? Why should we pour hours of time writing out thoughtful essays on the minutia of MMO development and gameplay when a semi-literate whacko could triple our readership just by writing a poorly-worded 300 essay on the moral deficiencies of Rob Pardo and his risqué relationship with manatees? Or to pronounce vague speculation about Duke Nukem Online as straight-up fact?

After all, two of my most widely-read posts were stories I snapped off the cuff and ended up being circulated like nobody’s business, instead of just taken as they were designed to be — mild musings of a brain parasite-ridden Italian. What incentive do I have for doing anything else but these? And my brain parasite asks, could you ship him a pizza?

So, in that spirit, here are the topics for the next 10 posts at WAAAGH!:

  1. Paul Barnett is Beelzebub: The Second Cousin of Lies!
  2. Sixteen Japanese Schoolchildren Reenact Waaagh In Park, 100 Dead.
  3. Blizzard is Purchasing Mythic From EA, Plans To Cancel WAR And Feast On The Tears Of The Fans.
  4. Forget Chuck Norris, Josh Drescher’s Facial Hair Cures Cancer.
  5. WAR’s In Game Currency Will Be Shrunken Heads Of Your Opponent’s Kids.
  6. Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning Sues Age of Conan For Egregious Use Of The Phrase “Age Of”.
  7. EA Sends A Cease And Desist Letters To All WAR Bloggers Unless They End Every Post With A Plug For Madden Online.
  8. What’s The Deal With High Gas Prices Anyway? And Iraq? And Same-Sex Marriage? And Celebrity Babies? And ANWAR Drilling? And Obama? And WALL*E?
  9. Internet forum users have no life — proven!
  10. WAR will be, like, y’know, the best game EVAH!

Now, to sit right back and reap all the benefits of stupidity. Ahhhh.

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15 comments

  1. Point 3 wins.


  2. blasphemy!


  3. You are 100% correct. I had been purposely trying to avoid any posts like that, even know I am sure it would get more page views. Not that they are all that bad, some are necessary and perfectly justified. Posting them just isn’t my thing :-/ I do enjoy reading a good rant though.


  4. Wow it’s true, I’m feeling slightly dumber already after reading those topics 😛


  5. roflol, it’s sad ’cause it’s true. Though myself I avoid that ridiculous stuff.


  6. omg ! Next ten topics are gonna be so juicy ! can’t wait! =PP


  7. This is undoubtedly your best work ever Syp. I agree and disagree with all your points in an excited manner.


  8. Syp said – “mild musings of a brain parasite-ridden Italian”

    Wrenn says – “I had no idea that we were related!!”


  9. The flame wars in your comment sections for those above posts would be wonderful ❤


  10. You got that right! It’s kind of a shame, but writing well-balanced blog posts don’t gain nearly the kind of attention as inflammatory one-siders.

    Then again, without some kind of credibility, who would actually care what some random lunatic blogger said on the Internet? I think your two most popular posts were so inflammatory because you are known for a balanced point of view and both issues made you so passionate that you went “off the cuff.”

    If you became known for always doing this, I don’t think it future arguments would hold nearly as much weight because you’d be simply be written off as “that angry guy” or “that fanboy.”


  11. rofl, senseless… I love it!


  12. This was a shot at my blog…wasn’t it?! lol good stuff


  13. hehe, awesome!


  14. Can I steal some of your post ideas? Those were too good to pass up. I mean, I’ll change the names a little and the stories just a tad.. no one will ever know the difference.


  15. And I, for one, welcome our new blogging overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted Chrono Chaos personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground blog pages.



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