Chrono Chaos: Mission StatementJune 26, 2008
As our pretend time traveling WAR guild continues to grow in ranks (join today! fill out an application, i.e. “post a comment in the comments section”), it’s time to put down into cold, hard words what our guild is all about. Are you listening, EA Mythic? You called down the thunder, and now you got it!
CHRONO CHAOS: MISSION STATEMENT
- We are an elite guild of time traveling agents, sent back from the year 2008 to get in the guild beta and possibly go on an awkward date with our parents.
- We exist to secure a spot in the guild beta, above and beyond all the “common” guilds who were too unimaginative to wait until the last moment — and beyond — and then invent nifty-cool technology to rectify procrastination.
- If necessary, we will go back even further in time to get “the dirt” on WAR devs — such as how Jeff Hickman used to eBay Underoos before getting a job at Mythic — to use as blackmail.
- Time travel will not be used for trivial matters; for example, there will be no killing of Hitler or rescuing dinosaurs for your wondrous theme park starring Jeff Goldblum.
- Snacks and pop will be provided for guild members only.
- We refuse to be classified as “Order” or “Destruction” — instead, we will join the fabled third WAR faction, “Super Badass”.
- The seventh rule of Chrono Chaos: do not talk about Chrono Chaos, unless you’re trying to impress a potential date. Then, fling your membership around like a cat at a pro-dog rally.
Got it? Good.
Chrono Chaos Guild Roster:
- Brotik: Founding Father
- Syp: Fearful Leader
- Darkgobbo: Orc Translator
- BMR: Lazy Cousin of BMX
- Matt: Time Machine Hog
- CunningB: Lunch Herder
- DexterDouglas: Party On, Dudes!
- Moxie: Yes, Ma’am
- The Hammered: Making Awkward Comments Since 2008
- Vagrant: Touched In The Head
- Werit: Time Dwarf
- Khaos: Momma-In-Law’s Boy
- Lske: Guild Plumber
- roXet: eXtreme eXcitement
- Mekoia: Pimple Patrol
- Qatol: Impossible To Spell In Scrabble
- Din A3: AAA Quality
- Regis: And Kelly Ripa
- Johnny Walker Black: Uwe Boll’s Batboy
- Medrin: Captain Fun-un-un
- Scarybooster: Selfesteembooster
- Kattz: Dr. Kattz
- Paul: Oriel Oreos
- Ramathorne: Day Dreamer
- Vort: He’s Got The Black Lung, Pop
- JT: Justin Time
- James Taylor: JT’s Long Lost Brother
- Dr. Worm: Not A Doctor, But A Worm
- Crimetank: Treads Lightly
- Smashydoom: Preemptive Strike
- Across: Down
- Slymie: Cutest Gross Name Ever
- Arbitrary: Book ‘Em, Danno
- Artean: Tonight We’re Sending You Back To The Future
- Alex: Duct Tape Master
- Sorain: Afraid of Only Kittens
- Curien: He’s Got Our Back