h1

Chrono Chaos: Mission Statement

June 26, 2008

As our pretend time traveling WAR guild continues to grow in ranks (join today! fill out an application, i.e. “post a comment in the comments section”), it’s time to put down into cold, hard words what our guild is all about. Are you listening, EA Mythic? You called down the thunder, and now you got it!

CHRONO CHAOS: MISSION STATEMENT

  1. We are an elite guild of time traveling agents, sent back from the year 2008 to get in the guild beta and possibly go on an awkward date with our parents.
  2. We exist to secure a spot in the guild beta, above and beyond all the “common” guilds who were too unimaginative to wait until the last moment — and beyond — and then invent nifty-cool technology to rectify procrastination.
  3. If necessary, we will go back even further in time to get “the dirt” on WAR devs — such as how Jeff Hickman used to eBay Underoos before getting a job at Mythic — to use as blackmail.
  4. Time travel will not be used for trivial matters; for example, there will be no killing of Hitler or rescuing dinosaurs for your wondrous theme park starring Jeff Goldblum.
  5. Snacks and pop will be provided for guild members only.
  6. We refuse to be classified as “Order” or “Destruction” — instead, we will join the fabled third WAR faction, “Super Badass”.
  7. The seventh rule of Chrono Chaos: do not talk about Chrono Chaos, unless you’re trying to impress a potential date. Then, fling your membership around like a cat at a pro-dog rally.

Got it? Good.

Chrono Chaos Guild Roster:

[Retconned:]

  • Brotik: Founding Father

[Original:]

  • Syp: Fearful Leader
  • Darkgobbo: Orc Translator
  • BMR: Lazy Cousin of BMX
  • Matt: Time Machine Hog
  • CunningB: Lunch Herder
  • DexterDouglas: Party On, Dudes!
  • Moxie: Yes, Ma’am
  • The Hammered: Making Awkward Comments Since 2008
  • Vagrant: Touched In The Head
  • Werit: Time Dwarf
  • Khaos: Momma-In-Law’s Boy
  • Lske: Guild Plumber
  • roXet: eXtreme eXcitement
  • Mekoia: Pimple Patrol
  • Qatol: Impossible To Spell In Scrabble
  • Din A3: AAA Quality
  • Regis: And Kelly Ripa
  • Johnny Walker Black: Uwe Boll’s Batboy
  • Medrin: Captain Fun-un-un
  • Scarybooster: Selfesteembooster
  • Kattz: Dr. Kattz
  • Paul: Oriel Oreos
  • Ramathorne: Day Dreamer
  • Vort: He’s Got The Black Lung, Pop
  • JT: Justin Time
  • James Taylor: JT’s Long Lost Brother
  • Dr. Worm: Not A Doctor, But A Worm
  • Crimetank: Treads Lightly
  • Smashydoom: Preemptive Strike
  • Across: Down
  • Slymie: Cutest Gross Name Ever
  • Arbitrary: Book ‘Em, Danno
  • Artean: Tonight We’re Sending You Back To The Future
  • Alex: Duct Tape Master
  • Sorain: Afraid of Only Kittens
  • Curien: He’s Got Our Back

27 comments

  1. Haha. EU’s getting Guild Beta before you inferior colonial-rebels! :P

    Sadly my guild only just decided like a week ago they wanted to play WAR. So before that I was looking for a guild to join for Guild Beta, but now that would show a huge amount of non-loyalty, so I decided against it. So, sadly, no guild beta for me! :(


  2. Awesome, don’t forget your sonic screwdrivers!

    And btw, check out this short story about time travel and killing hitler


  3. As the time machine is Dwarven technology, it will require 1.21 jigga-proof alcohol, so I expect all dudes to bring a 6-pack.


  4. Ok, count me in… And if there’s no room for me, i can be folded into an A4 too!


  5. I’m in! And if we don’t get a beta invite we will… we will… we will write evil things about the game on blogs! Tremble and despair, mort… oh wait, that’s Warcraft.


  6. http://timetraveler.ytmnd.com/ We should find this guy, I think he will help us in our journey.


  7. Also can I bring my robot cyborg with me. His name is “Cyberdyne Systems Series 800 Model 101 Version 2.4″. I call him T for short. I also have a spare flux capacitor if you need it.


  8. Hell…I am already there…quick trip on the Chrono time traveler while no one looked….and I am the first to join!


  9. Time Machine Hog ftw! =P


  10. What ho! A cavalcade of WAR fans coming together to form a time traveling band of WAR cohorts trying to burst their way into beta? doth count me in!


  11. I approve of this Mission Statment. It’s mostly better than those of any of my prior employers…


  12. lol, thanks for the awesome tagline.


  13. I have super time traveling “scaryboosters” to spped back and forth in time. All my boosters are run by Mountian Dew :)Fuel the Scary Boosters!!


  14. The taglines are awesome and made of 5/3rds epic and 4/3rds win and can only lead to the coolest time machine ever even better than the Dalorean


  15. Sign me up. Character name will hopefully be “Oriel”.


  16. Holy crap, a time-traveling guild! It’s what I’ve always dreamed of… count me in!

    (P.S. NICE logo!)


  17. WAAAGGH!!!! *cough*… um.. I’m in!


  18. Sign me up!


  19. I love reading Waagh. Now if only out time travel could be used to jump to the future to actually KNOW if we will have a beta spot. Until then back to just wishing I was in.


  20. Sign me up.


  21. Hrrm, I’m sure I posted a reply.. and now it’s not there. Have I been time travelling already?


  22. Laugh not Gordo. Those Euro folks only think they are getting into the guild beta before us. The reality of the situation is that we are going to go back and secretly replace their Folgers Crystals with Ex-Lax, and swipe their Beta invites while they are…. pre-occupied.


  23. Chrono Chaos needs to go back further in time to form the guild during the Everquest era so that it can be an “established” guild and have more chances getting in to the guild beta. I believe that would benefit the cause.

    As well as completing all the “world firsts” possible in all MMOs by using future knowledge…


  24. ok im in but one thing we need to go back in time and stop all other guilds from making time machines cuz then they could just go back and steal our idea and sweet name


  25. not too late to get in on this am i?

    a guild with the ability to time travel is a very appealing thing.


  26. Pick me! pick me!!!
    i hope is not too late… but anyways…
    ill be happy if i can still join :D


  27. FIRST!!!!

    HAHA I’M THE FIRST APPLICANT OF CHRONO CHAOS OWNED

    OK WHAT’S THE FIRST ASSIGNMENT?



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 37 other followers

%d bloggers like this: